Six months is officially the longest I have not danced. Ballet has been the constant in my life since I started at five years old. My Saturdays are planned around my afternoon ballet class. For two hours a week, I find myself in the studio, (sometimes) pushing myself to be a better dancer than I was the week before. Before exchange, the longest break I’ve taken from ballet is probably about a month? Most likely because I wanted to spend more time on my studies or the like. My mum definitely would not let me skip a whole month of class. But six months WHOA.
So I finally went for class last Saturday after delaying the inevitable for two weeks since I’ve been back. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement really. Haven’t felt so excited about ballet in ages. I was quite worried that my ballet teacher will take one look at me and banish me from class because I am now an overweight hippo HAHA. But thankfully it didn’t happen hehehe. She actually welcomed me with open arms and I was squealing inside heh. I get this feeling that she doesn’t like me much tbh. But she gives me opportunities because of how tenaciously I am holding on. Waiting 5 years to take the grade 6 exam and watching younger girls (who are better than me no doubt) taking it before me is no easy feat. I was rly quite close to giving up at certain points but 1. my mum didn’t want me to give up 2. I feel like if I don’t dance, idk what else I am?? Doing ballet has become so central to my identity (despite my lack of aptitude and talent oops). While I’ll probably be quite happy with the time that is freed up if I stop dancing, it would feel more weird than anything else.
Class itself was… tiring. It never occurred to me how difficult class is if you haven’t been dancing at least semi-regularly. Two hours of dance was INTENSE man. My ankles were really sore after class – I think my feet weren’t used to moving so quickly and the whole pointing my feet thing again. It was really quite amazing tbh. I’ve taken ballet for granted for so long and never realised how tuned one’s body has to be to dance to be able to attend a two hour long class. It really made me appreciate ballet a lot more.
It was also really interesting how my body remembers the exercises and movements. it’s almost second nature? Even though I was stiff from the lack of practice, my feet and arms still remembered the movements, it was almost automatic (for the lack of a better word)?? I guess it really comes with years of practice.
Speaking of which, I should take the opportunity to mention that I participated in my third concert organised by my ballet school last year! I’ve been meaning to blog about it but yknw me. Heh. Titled The Power of Dance, Music and Hope, the proceeds of the concert went to Multiple Myeloma Cancer Research. I was in the exact same items I was supposed to be in the last concert. And this time I even managed to perform wheeee. Long story short, the last time I dropped out of the item that required pointe work because I wasn’t strong enough and didn’t have enough time to practice D:
It was a really good experience. I’ve been wanting to participate in a concert for years omg and to finally be able to was super. I know I wasn’t really up to scratch though which is disappointing but what to do.
That’s the pointe shoe item! It’s from Waltz of the Hours from the ballet Coppelia. I’m hidden somewhere in the third row ofc.
Super grateful that my friends and family came to watch me dance (gna be lazy about this and just screenshot from Instagram because this happened awhile ago and Instagram had the more real and that moment in time emotions yknw):
The both of them have always been super supportive of me – be it in school, CNM Society, or life in general. Super glad that they made the trip down to support me for the concert :’)
MY PILLARS OF SUPPORT. MY BEST FRIENDS. (MY ONLY FRIENDS??) In some ways, it felt like I was dancing for them yknw. To show them what I have been doing for most of my life and to thank them for always always believing that I can do it and offering kindest words of encouragement. So grateful for the three of them in my life.
And ofc not to forget:
Rly my number 1 supporters since I started ballet – both emotionally and in many other ways like occasionally having to work their schedules around my ballet schedule.
Okay that’s all for ballet thoughts bbbbbbbb.