Source of happiness

I am a person who thrives on making other people happy. A long time ago, I’ve realised that I’m someone who needs approval from others. And making my friends happy is like a step up from that.

So today when PJ and ST laughed at something I said, I was a bit surprised that instead of feeling happy that they approved of my joke (and by extension me), I was happy because I made them laugh. Because maybe, in that brief moment as they read my messages, they forgot about the stress and busyness of school. And it made me really happy to think that for a split second, maybe they forgot about the stress they’re facing :’) I really want to do that for them yknw. I see them so busy and tired from school and it makes me so sad. Because they do that for me, I really want to help them as well.

I think I can say that I truly, with all my heart, consider meeting these two people one of the best things that has happened to me in my 22 years.

Source of happiness

What a happy day of reunions!

Today was rly such a happy day!! Met so many lovely people in school (both by coincidence and by choice) and it rly made my day. So I decided that I have to record this momentous occasion down in my blog hehe

Came to school for ethics class w Agnes so that’s one lovely person I’ve met today already. Plus we formed our presentation groups in class today and the group looks like q nice so I’m quite hopeful! But it’s only for one short 10-min presentation so that’s okay w me. After class I arranged to meet Marcus at the deck because he has a break then as well. Also arranged to meet ST because he also has a break. See, the nice thing about your friends knowing (and willing to make friends with) each other is that you can hang out w all of them at the same time ^^

So when Marcus arrived at the deck… DUM DUM DUM WHO WOULD APPEAR BUT SELENE!! Omg my heart soared hehehe. Not that I haven’t met her la but we haven’t met together as a group at all??? SO IT FELT V NICE AND RLY LIKE REUNION YKNW. Then Ming Ming texted me saying that she’s in school as well so I was like OMG YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE DECK IT IS WHERE ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE HANGING OUT YKNW. And ofc she came. So now at the deck you have me, Selene, Marcus, Agnes, Ming and ST. Was quite concerned that Agnes would feel left out but I think it was okay…??

ST left to go to the central forum for awhile but then I realised that eh he’s been gone for some time?? So I messaged him to ask where he disappeared to. And the sneaky child was hanging out w Meiyi and Ruth (aka daisy dux) at the AS1/7 walkway!! So I had to go there right. Went there and we sat at the bench for a bit hoping to collect more 08 kids. AND DUM DUM who would walk past but Jianyi!! Collected him onto the bench and we were v happy. AND THEN!! Jefferson appeared WOW. Talk about fate?? (Or the walkway la because EVERYONE walks past there, it’s a bit difficult to not meet someone you know along the walkway honestly). So we took a proof photo of our reunion:

Keeping the 08/07 spirit alive hehehe
Keeping the 08/07 spirit alive hehehe

After awhile we dispersed because some people had to go for class and I had to go back to the deck where I left Ming and Marcus oops. But the both of them rly get along like a house on fire so that’s great hehe.

When Marcus, Ming and I decided to leave the deck, dum dum dum I MET PJ AND SUSU AND CORRYNE!!!! Wa super happy hahaha haven’t seen PJ for so long?? Okay not rly hahaha but it’s always good to see PJ yknw 🙂 And susu ofc! And Corryne the triathlon-er cooliozzzz. So I rly MOOD UP already heh.

Then as we walked back along the walkway, I met Melissa Lee!! Haven’t seen her since school started omg SO HAPPY TO BUMP INTO HER HEHE. Because so far we’ve only been in inconsistent (mainly because of my lousy replying habits) contact on LINE and idk, it doesn’t rly feel the same messaging her vs talking to her face to face?? But yayy rly v happy to meet her again! ^^v Also v glad that she settled her issues with modules this semester because she seemed to be having a fair bit of trouble D:

Headed to the bus stop w Marcus who decided to skip class (heh) then I took a bus to BV MRT to go to Changi to send Manda off 😦 She’s v brave eh imo, going to New Zealand all by herself for the work/play thing. I would never dare to do that I think… At least exchange was still me being free in a kinda restricted setting? But she’s rly like a free bird there, can do anything she wants omg. Quite cool but at the same time quite unfathomable to me.

Met my mum for dinner at a Japanese restaurant after that because my mum felt like eating somewhere fancy hahaha. GLAD I CAUGHT HER IN THAT KIND OF MOOD?? Even though I was feeling quite like having soup from Saybons. But okay who’s gna complain at the upgrade right. NOT ME.

OH I must mention!! On the way to the airport when I was in the train (I got a seat!) Huixin and I were online at the same time on Whatsapp!! So we actually had a moment where we were replying each other instantaneously. It was quite exciting because usually we take days to reply each other HAHA. She said, and I quote, it felt a bit like the good old MSN days hehe. But after awhile it got quite taxing to type so quickly on my laggy Xiaomi phone (because my phone is still w the LG service centre sigh. Long story that one). In any case!! I’m meeting her, Marcus and Selene on Saturday night I think, to go see the Singapore Night Festival together yippee! Excited about that, even though I know it’s gna be mad crowded and I’ll be so gross and sticky and grouchy w the crowd. At least I’ll be in company I enjoy and am rly happy in 😀

So all in all, it’s been a really happy day for me. Hope your Tuesdays were good too 😀

What a happy day of reunions!

Thoughts after a six-month hiatus from ballet

Six months is officially the longest I have not danced. Ballet has been the constant in my life since I started at five years old. My Saturdays are planned around my afternoon ballet class. For two hours a week, I find myself in the studio, (sometimes) pushing myself to be a better dancer than I was the week before. Before exchange, the longest break I’ve taken from ballet is probably about a month? Most likely because I wanted to spend more time on my studies or the like. My mum definitely would not let me skip a whole month of class. But six months WHOA.

So I finally went for class last Saturday after delaying the inevitable for two weeks since I’ve been back. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement really. Haven’t felt so excited about ballet in ages. I was quite worried that my ballet teacher will take one look at me and banish me from class because I am now an overweight hippo HAHA. But thankfully it didn’t happen hehehe. She actually welcomed me with open arms and I was squealing inside heh. I get this feeling that she doesn’t like me much tbh. But she gives me opportunities because of how tenaciously I am holding on. Waiting 5 years to take the grade 6 exam and watching younger girls (who are better than me no doubt) taking it before me is no easy feat. I was rly quite close to giving up at certain points but 1. my mum didn’t want me to give up 2. I feel like if I don’t dance, idk what else I am?? Doing ballet has become so central to my identity (despite my lack of aptitude and talent oops). While I’ll probably be quite happy with the time that is freed up if I stop dancing, it would feel more weird than anything else.

Class itself was… tiring. It never occurred to me how difficult class is if you haven’t been dancing at least semi-regularly. Two hours of dance was INTENSE man. My ankles were really sore after class – I think my feet weren’t used to moving so quickly and the whole pointing my feet thing again. It was really quite amazing tbh. I’ve taken ballet for granted for so long and never realised how tuned one’s body has to be to dance to be able to attend a two hour long class. It really made me appreciate ballet a lot more.

It was also really interesting how my body remembers the exercises and movements. it’s almost second nature? Even though I was stiff from the lack of practice, my feet and arms still remembered the movements, it was almost automatic (for the lack of a better word)?? I guess it really comes with years of practice.

Speaking of which, I should take the opportunity to mention that I participated in my third concert organised by my ballet school last year! I’ve been meaning to blog about it but yknw me. Heh. Titled The Power of Dance, Music and Hope, the proceeds of the concert went to Multiple Myeloma Cancer Research. I was in the exact same items I was supposed to be in the last concert. And this time I even managed to perform wheeee. Long story short, the last time I dropped out of the item that required pointe work because I wasn’t strong enough and didn’t have enough time to practice D:

It was a really good experience. I’ve been wanting to participate in a concert for years omg and to finally be able to was super. I know I wasn’t really up to scratch though which is disappointing but what to do.

Morning Hours
Morning Hours

That’s the pointe shoe item! It’s from Waltz of the Hours from the ballet Coppelia. I’m hidden somewhere in the third row ofc.

Super grateful that my friends and family came to watch me dance (gna be lazy about this and just screenshot from Instagram because this happened awhile ago and Instagram had the more real and that moment in time emotions yknw):

Manda and Ming!
Manda and Ming!

The both of them have always been super supportive of me – be it in school, CNM Society, or life in general. Super glad that they made the trip down to support me for the concert :’)

ST, Hazel and PJ
ST, Hazel and PJ

MY PILLARS OF SUPPORT. MY BEST FRIENDS. (MY ONLY FRIENDS??) In some ways, it felt like I was dancing for them yknw. To show them what I have been doing for most of my life and to thank them for always always believing that I can do it and offering kindest words of encouragement. So grateful for the three of them in my life.

And ofc not to forget:

the family
the family

Rly my number 1 supporters since I started ballet – both emotionally and in many other ways like occasionally having to work their schedules around my ballet schedule.

Okay that’s all for ballet thoughts bbbbbbbb.

Thoughts after a six-month hiatus from ballet

Love from housemates come in small things

1.

Selene came back from London the day I was supposed to fly to Morocco. The girl arrived home at 4am but still bothered to wake up before 9am because she wanted to have breakfast together :’)

2.

I remember I was very bothered by what to pack to Morocco because I would have to pack to battle the chill here in Netherlands as I walked to and fro the train station and home. But Morocco would be incredibly hot. I wouldn’t want to bring my coat all the way to Morocco also because how lame would that be right, carrying a coat to a place where the temperature is above 30 degrees. So I was very much in a dilemma. I voiced it to Aloy and to my utter surprise and disbelief, he said that he could help me bring my coat over to the train station when I’m back so I wouldn’t have to face the cold omg. I WAS SO LIKE WTH ARE YOU SERIOUS. I didn’t really believe it tho because didn’t want to give myself false hope of warmth hahaha.

So I borrowed Selene’s light down jacket from Uniqlo that is amazing because it can be rolled into a small little thing that I can hang on my bag and mentally prepared myself to walk back home with only that.

But when I touched down in the Netherlands, I received a message from Aloy saying to let him know what time I would arrive at the train station because it was cold and that he would pick me up omg I WAS LIKE OMG ARE YOU SURE ARE YOU FOR REAL T.T T.T

And so when I arrived and walked out of the train station, I was greeted by the familiar faces of Aloy and Marcus and I cannot even describe how happy and lucky I felt. Marcus was there becos he was going home la but still omg SO MUCH LOVE.

When I got home, Selene who tends to cave up in her room at night came running down to say hi and Aloy heated up the chik kut teh that Selene cooked (and saved for me) and I HAD FOOD. Because my flight was at 4.55pm and no food on the plane so I didn’t have a proper dinner T.T And they knew so they kept food for me omg I WAS SO TOUCHED YKNW. I walked home warm because I had food and came home to a warm family and food ^^v

So touched :’)

3.

And this morning they all gathered in my room to talk. I love little things like that and it’s little things like that that I will miss the most from my exchange 🙂

Love from housemates come in small things

Goodbyes / temporary / forever

Wowow check out my ~ artistic ~ title of the post.

It just hit me today that after I come back from my exchange programme next year, the group of people who have been such incredible advisors/ friends would have left NUS. All the current year 4s like Ming Ming, Ben, Louis… I’ll really miss bumping into them in school and having quick conversations to catch up. It feels so surreal that we’re already year 3. It doesn’t feel like it was that long ago that we were freshies – completely new to the system and like lost sheep.

It was really thanks to Ming, Ben and other seniors that we somehow managed to navigate the slightly treacherous NUS route. Where would I be without them to guide me? Who would I ask for advice about modules, about lectures, about everything school-related (or not)? I’m so grateful to have met such giving people in NUS. That they willingly and freely share their experiences with us so that we can learn from it; what to do and what not to do. That they share their opinions and notes (! haha) with us. A competitive environment might help us improve quickly, but I think it pales in comparison to a nurturing environment where everyone looks out for and helps each other. Success is measured by how much we achieve in numbers in our society. But when we meet people who are willing to put some of their time away to help others, I think it makes everything so much more meaningful.

It makes me feel so sad that when I come back, this incredible group of people won’t be around school anymore. Louis just mentioned that he’d miss me when I go for exchange because I slightly brighten his day whenever we happen to meet in school (but of course, I take whatever Louis says with a liberal shake of the salt shaker) which really made me go aww. And Ming Ming and I have been in a very appreciative mood for the past two weeks. And Ben has been so forthcoming with sharing his exchange experience with me whenever I ask questions.

I know goodbyes are only temporary. People have to make the effort to keep in touch. But then it also feels like I’m saying goodbye to this stage of life where I can depend on them to give me advice regarding school. Where I can bump into them in school. It won’t be the same really.

Proud as a peacock (feather) to call a person like Ming my friend :)
Proud as a peacock (feather) to call a person like Ming my friend 🙂
Goodbyes / temporary / forever

OUAD

I remember when ST and I used to watch shows together over the phone and over MSN and we had to synchronise when to press play. “Okay click after three, 1, 2, 3, click!”

I remember when we used to have nonsense nonsense nonsense inside jokes that didn’t make sense to anybody but us (becos yknw, that’s what inside jokes are) and how our inside jokes came from the most ridiculous things like sumos.

I remember when we used talk so much online but when we actually met irl we were slightly awkz.

I don’t remember when Damien became ST to me. When did calling ST Damien feel so weird?

I’d never be able to pinpoint when ST became my best friend. Actually idk, calling ST my best friend seems slightly insufficient. Because ST is just ST to me, way more than a best friend. Even tho his (many) flaws are really the most annoying things ever, they’re really still part of him which (contrary does not make them lovable) so I tolerate it.

Just like how he tolerates me (sometimes) being an insufferable know-it-all (ala Hermione Granger) and all my whining and my moments of insanity.

Actually now that I think about it.. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME. I basically chose my JC because we decided to go together. I knew nobody else going there, I chose NJ mainly because ST was going there omg WHAT A BLIND LEAP OF FAITH. Which sorta paid off but omg were we that close in Secondary school how was it possible.

And this has been a love story w/o the romantic love. It’s ST love which makes it cooler. THANKS ST FOR BEING YOU love you long time.

(This is way better than your text) 

OUAD